


Cast off and grab my heart

by Thebeescharmer



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Happy Ending, M/M, Pirates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 15:17:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19212109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thebeescharmer/pseuds/Thebeescharmer
Summary: What if Felix, 19 years old thief who almost drowned, was made for this ?What if Chris, pirate and captain, was made for more than this ?Or just your usual Pirate Au where Chris is a charismatic pirate and Felix falls in love.





	1. Under the fire that took me away

**Author's Note:**

> No i will never shut up with my Pirates Au, bear with me lmao. 
> 
> English is (still not) my first language, if you see any mistakes, please tell me <3

From every corner of his vision, he saw red, orange, bursting flames and bodies lying on the ground. In his nose was stuck the smell of gun powder and fire, blood sipping through the pavement of the harbour like rain through dirt.

Felix was running, his legs hurting from the burn of the stretch, but it didn’t prevent him from running even faster when he heard their voices. Behind him, the men chasing him were getting closer, so close he could almost see their silhouettes through the smoke.

All around him, the fire was spreading from house to house, destroying the fisherman village like the wind wipe away a feather. The smoke made his lungs hurt, and his eyes tear up, from the corner of one he saw a form through the grey, and knew it was time to choose between dying here, or trying his luck and having a small chance of survival. 

The choice was quickly made, as he jumped into the water at the same time a gunshot echoed in the mayhem of the harbour.

Felix swam as hard as he could, only getting his head out of the water to breath, arms hurting, and body numb from the cold of the sea. Soon enough, his head was turning, and as he was far from the island, taken away by the waves, and agonizing from the cold sipping through his flesh and to his bones, he let the darkness engulf him.

 

 

“do you think he’s alive ?”

“he’s breathing idiot, of course he’s alive”

“yes but he’s not moving”

“he’s surely still out from the shock, the water is so cold during this period of the year, his balls as surely as blue as my-.”

Felix’s eyes fluttered open, the burning rays of the sun creating a halo around the figures that were currently leaning upon him. The hard-wooden surface underneath his skin was roughly scraping his back, as his body was rocked gently from side to side, which could only mean one thing.

As an average, but large silhouette hovered above him, his eyes blinked a few times, now able to make out the other’s features.

“see, told ya he’s alive”

“shut up Jisung and bring the captain”

“he’s busy”

“then bring the second you fucking-”

“language Jeongin”

Next to the two silhouettes hovered a third one, much broader than the firsts two and slightly taller. When his face practically violated Felix’s vision, he was able to make out a sharp jaw, angular features and slightly bunny teeth that sweetened the dark stare and the black locks that fell on the small hooded eyes.

“he’s breathing at least, bring me Seungmin”

“yes Woojin”

“it’s second in command for you Jeongin”

In his daze, Felix could still make out the other’s features that contorted into a grimace while he departed from his spot.

His body was sore, his back was not hurting anymore but he was almost certain he would collapse back on the ground if he tried to stand up now. When his half-opened eyes crossed the second in command’s hard stare, he abandoned the idea of moving even an eyelash.

“who are you?”

 “Lee-Lee Felix”

His throat was raw, and his ocean-deep voice came out even raspier than usual, his oesophagus burning from the salt and the water he swallowed during his little trip in the deep blue. But somehow he still manage to speak, his eyes now fully functional as he took in the second sailor next to him, Jisung maybe.

His hair were a dark shade of blond, slightly long and hiding his face sometimes. He wore typical sailor clothes with a white shirt and leather high boots. On each of his ear were sparkling a numerous amount of dangling earrings, including a beautiful blue pearl.

When Felix spotted a white scar, surely very old, underneath the linen of the shirt, his brain started to understand where he was and who exactly were those men.

“are you pirates?”

“I am the one asking here. Now, who are you? Don’t care about your name, just tell me if I’m facing one of those navy’s deserter”

“I am fleeing the navy actually”

“how come?” the pirate’s eyebrows rose, his face painted with surprise as he saw the bullet impact imbedded in Felix’s right shoulder.

“why does the navy want to kill you?”

“that’s what I’d like to know. Make him stand-up”

Felix didn’t have the time to appreciate the smooth and light sounding voice as the two pirates held him by the arms and put him on his feet with the delicacy of reef sharks. His legs almost gave up under him, but he stood up non-the-less, his teeth greeting as he felt a painful throb in his leg in which a second bullet was buried.

“they ruined him pretty good”

Felix felt grateful for that Jisung guy who let him lean on his large shoulder, supporting Felix’s light weight on his body, for the young man could not even stand on his own with how much his leg was hurting.

Raising his face up to see the man before him, he fell face to face with the impressive sight of what seemed to be the ship’s captain. The man was of an equivalent height as Felix’s one, but much broader as strong muscles could be seen through the half opened white shirt. His neck was showing proudly two or three gold necklaces that intertwined on his chest, sparkling the same colour as the gold dangling cross falling from his right earlobe.   

On his head was a black tricorn, the same shade as the trousers neatly folded inside thigh-high brown leather boots. Resting along his strong leg was an impressive and heavy looking sword, the golden knob shining under the sun’ rays.

Felix could have slap himself as his lack of discretion when his eyes widened slightly at the, very pleasing he had to admit, handsome face the other man was blessed with. Thick lips, slightly hooded eyes and sharp jaws that contrasted with the hard stare the man was giving.

No matter how gorgeous this man was, Felix knew better than to fuck up with pirates, as he was now pretty sure he was surrounded by them. The crew, seemingly curious of the man they fished out of the ocean, was gathered around the captain and the poor young boy.

“tell me why the navy wants your head”

“more like my ass”

At his side Jisung strangled a laugh, his shoulder moving as he smiled at the blond boy with amusement.

“I’m an orphan. Where I come from, if you don’t have a family, you end up a thief. Was not fancying selling my asshole to some sailors in a brothel, so ended up stealing from those rich ass bitches that went around with golden necklaces. Navy invaded my hometown, and before they could hang me or fuck me I fled. See how much I succeeded”

His laugh was dry in his throat as his eyes closed from the pain in his leg. He could almost feel the metal of the bullet still in his flesh move around as he fidgeted on his feet. In front of him, the captain looked at him with his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes darting from Felix’s bloodied pants to his face.

“are you in for a different life? Maybe shorter but definitely better if you ask me.”

“I’m up for anything cap”

Smirking, the man nodded, his smooth voice chuckling in his chest. gesturing for his second in command, he turned around and left the ash blond boy to his crew’s care. When the broad figure disappeared in the boat’s insides, Felix heard a chuckle followed by an enthusiastic outburst from the man next to him.

“welcome on the Silver Stray, Lee Felix”


	2. Above the water that almost drowned me

The surgeon was young, even younger than Felix and was doing an amazing job none-the-less.

“stop squirming around you’re looking like an eel”

Felix bit down a snarky remark and greeted his teeth as the young med was butchering through his skin. The pincers were sharp as they went through his flesh and cut open the wounds a bit more, fishing the bullet out of his calf with some difficulty.

“you’re gonna have scars, huge ones.”

Looking at his collarbone that was now sewed back together neatly, he still could see some raw flesh through the wire and imagine the way the wound would form one of those white scars that all the other members of the crew adorned.

“thanks for taking care of them”

“it’s my job”

“your cap could have easily thrown me above the rail. Don’t know why he didn’t”

“he lived the same thing as you. He knows what it’s like to be an orphan and to chew on your shoes when you’re hungry”

Felix smiled at the boy, gaining a small chuckle in return and a small slap on his thigh. Seungmin was almost done sewing him back in one piece, the bullets previously in his flesh poking from the bloodied cloth on the bed next to him.

“you’re gorgeous though, could have done something with that face”

“like what? Prostitute?”

“touché”

“I’d rather die from hunger. Anyway, always wondered what it was like to be a pirate”

“well I if you ask me, It’s the best. I wouldn’t get my old life back for anything in this world”

“what happened to you?”

“my parents died, and I was thrown in the streets without anything. So Chris helped me and gave me the surgeon charge. So I hoped on the boat to never put a feet on land once again.”

“fancy”

“and you? How did your parents die?”

“I don’t know, never heard of them since I was born and abandoned on the front of a church”  

Seungmin nodded, smiling sweetly without adding anything. They didn’t need to explain, after all, they were coming from the same hole, and now they would sail on the same boat.

 

“so you already know the big names, now this one with the long black hair, it’s Hyunjin. In the crow nest is Minho, don’t even think about touching him, he’s mine. Here, now you know everyone, if you’re lost, or want a quick and neat death, come to me”

Felix bit down a laugh when Jisung patted him on the shoulder and turned back to handle the helm, throwing a flying kiss to the cat-like pirate who winked at him. Okay, so being gay didn’t seem like a hassle, hell, it was a pirate boat what could be frowned upon here?

 

Apparently, stepping in the captain’s cabin was.

Felix didn’t do it on purpose, that he could swear on his dead and unknown mother’s grave, but the door was unlocked, and he needed the captain to go on the upper deck, as Woojin asked oh so kindly. Felix had knocked, waited, and thinking his captain was taking a nap, and still unfamiliar with the man himself even after two weeks on board, he had thought that entering to see if anyone was there, was the best idea.

Wrong.

The cabin was wonderfully spacious and decorated with exquisite taste. Situated at the back of the ship, the wall facing the door was showing huge half-body windows with wooden and metal panels that offered a beautiful view of the ocean. In between the two panels was a huge, silky and plush looking bed with wine red covers and fluffy pillows. At the corner, a majestic desk made out of the purest ebony was standing proudly, supporting dozens of papers, maps with ink spilled on it, the entire thing illuminated by the light of a sizzling candle.

The dark brown floor was covered by a beautiful carpet that the pirates had to steal from some rich merchant boat, and Felix dreamed one second about the comfort of walking on that thing bare foot. Overall the cabin was dimly lit, and well-furnished which gave that cosy, warm aura that had Felix’s heart constrict in his chest. it’s been years since he felt as secured and warm.

“what the fuck are you doing here?”

His bones almost jumping out of his flesh, Felix bit on his lips and turned around to face the furious looking captain, who was about to rip his head off obviously.

“I was looking for you actually, Woojin is asking you to come on the deck”

His voice was not shaking, and he was proud of that, even if his skin was about to inflame at the dark stare the man was giving him.

“and you entered because?”

“because it was open?”

Really, Felix didn’t intend on his voice to sound so insolent, but he had always been bratty and that was one thing he should work on if he didn’t want to see that scowl on his captain’s face ever again.

“out”

“yes cap”

Turning around and leaving the cabin while avoiding the man’s dark eyes peeling his skin off, he bit down a smile and shut his mouth as he walked in the corridor.

“and it’s captain Felix”

“okay cap”

Yeah okay, he should really work on that.

 

As he walked around the deck, carrying a powder barrel, he winced soundlessly at the constant pain that wound on his leg gifted him. Apparently it would be like this from now on, his previously feline walk altered by a slight limp that, according to Jisung, made him look manlier, and according to Seungmin, would be permanent.

Sighing wordlessly, the boy sat down against the railing, looking at the last barrel he had managed to store next to the upper deck stairs. He was proud of his work, but now his leg was killing him, and he considered throwing himself above the railing just to feel the cold appeasement of the water on his skin.

A dainty hand swiped through his ashy blond hair, exposing his freckled face to the sunset that casted beautiful shadows on the deck of the Silver Stray. Greeting his teeth at the movement, the young man stood up, using the railing to support himself as he leaned once again, arms crossed on the wood of the rail and face offered to the wind. The ocean looked like a burning sea of magma and fire, orange and golden hues painting its surface, as on the horizon the sun was setting for the night.

Felix filled his lungs with fresh oceanic air, his senses assaulted by the salt, and the odour of the wind coming from unexplored lands, he liked it. actually, he liked it very much here, on the Silver Stray. He had made friends, particularly Jisung, which he discovered to be a day apart from him in age, and Jeongin which he considered like a little brother already. It was unusual for Felix to care for others, as no one ever cared for him. But now he had a family, friends to take care of, and they took care of him better than what he could have dream of.

His fingers traced the rough wood that left a tingling sensation on the pad of his skin, feeling the boat creak and bend underneath his feet. As if the ship was alive, Felix could feel her even in his veins, his blood boiling when she would face a tempest, and getting cold each time she hit a reef.

Maybe Felix was made for that, feeling the sun on his skin and the wind ruffling his blond hair, that would surely end up as white as Chris’ one with the rays shining on them all day long. Breathing in deeply, he closed his eyes and smiled discreetly as he felt the cold taking over his body, the sun having set on the horizon and the dark ink of the night spilling on the sea.

Yeah, maybe he was meant for that.


	3. Through the lightnings that burn my skin

Maybe he had not been as discreet as he intended with his pained whimpers and limp, as the captain was obviously looking at him with a frown, observing him moving around the deck. Jisung threw him a concerned look, offering to take away the heavy cords from him, but Felix was not only insolent, he was also hard-headed, and so, with a heavy limp and an ear-splitting sound of bones cracking, he lifted the cords to throw them on the lower mast.

“Felix, come over there”

It was oddly satisfying how the smooth voice was one of the most melodious on the boat, but still managed to cut through the noise like a knife, making all the heads turn towards the captain.

Wincing under the attention, Felix let Jisung take the cords away from him as he directed his steps towards the upper deck, where the captain was still looking into his spyglass. When he climbed up the stairs, Felix greeted his teeth at the sound his knee made when he put his body weight on it.

Standing next to the muscular man, Felix tried not to be too obvious while ogling the veins and white skin of the exposed arms. His captain’s mouth was pinched in that focused expression he had whenever he was reflecting on something. One month of observing the man from afar had informed Felix well on the kind of habits he had.

“it’s been a month since you were wounded, and you’re still limping”

“yeah, Seung says it’s not a matter of time anymore”

Chris looked away from the ebony spyglass, looking at his crew members with a frown. Felix scratched the back of his head sheepishly, smiling like a scolded child at his captain.

“sorry for being useless cap”

The man folded his telescope, looking at the boy with furrowed brows and an extremely attractive concerned stare.

“no one on my ship is useless, even wounded.”

Felix nodded at that, lowering his eyes as he waited for his captain to tell him he would assist someone else, and therefor depend on one of his crew members, something he would have liked to avoid.

“you’ll be the gunner from now on”

“the-?”

Chris smirked at that, that smirk he always had when he trapped Felix and his insolent self in incomprehension. The boy huffed and pouted childishly, making the captain laugh slightly, and the second in command smile.

“every ship needs a gunner, but my last one died, and I need someone new. You’ll be even more useful than if you had two functional legs.”

“the gunner position is hard and tedious captain”

The second in command’s voice had that tone in it, that reminding one that wanted itself to be wise and that no one on boat could ignore. Except for the captain himself, which waved his hand and scoffed.

“he is fully capable of doing it, I trust him”

The blond pirate fought against the urge to smile, feeling his chest fill with pride as his captain smiled at him.

“and what is it exactly?”

“taking care of the guns, the canons, buying powder and organizing the hull. You’ll clean the swords and sharpen them. You’ll be the expert in weapons on board, and I expect from you to be the best gunman of my crew. Right Lix?”

“yeah cap”

“it’s captain Felix”

“okay cap”

 

Holding the metal and wood thing felt like a dream to Felix, as he rolled the gun around in his palm to admire it from up-close. All his life he had looked from afar at those rich people, walking around with golden necklaces and rich cloths that fell on their body and encased them in lace and pristine white silk.

The small boy he was before, with torn apart clothes and scratches on his face, who looked at them with fire in his eyes and itchy fingers, would be proud of himself now, as he was handling the rich object to admire it under the oil lamp. It was Chris’ gun, a gold canon engraved with a name that had faded overtime, and a cherry wood handle that felt polished under the skin of his fingers.

He had spent a long-time taking care of it, cleaning the canon, applying balm to the wood and scraping any dust from the beautiful details of the gold. Now the thing was shining like new, and Felix’s heart was filled with pride, even more than when Woojin told him he had done a good job taking care of his sword.

Knocking on the door of his captain’s cabin, Felix smiled at the lack of response. It was a rare occurrence to see Chris taking some rest, but as a night howl, Felix was proud of being able to say he witnessed the miracle more often than he should.

Opening the door, he stepped inside, the gun in his hand, and his eyes falling directly on the sleeping figure on the bed. Walking inside the cabin, he had first intended to leave the gun on Chris’ desk, but the view of the bare chest made his heart jump and his eyes widen.

Back against the mattress, Chris was sleeping soundlessly, the covers reaching mid waist and offering the view of the muscular torso for Felix to see. The muscles were rippling under the skin, showing prominent abs and delicious pectorals that had Felix’s mouth water. Yes, he was soft for his captain, and he knew it, doesn’t mean the man had to do his best to turn him in a puddle of goo.

“You’re doing it again”

Thinking he had been caught red-handed while ogling his captain, Felix flushed deeply, his freckles almost disappearing under the colour of shame.

“you’re entering without being invited”

“If you locked the door maybe..”

“shut up ungrateful brat”

Chuckling, Felix approached the bed and gently laid the gun down on the bedside table, smiling hopefully when Chris’ eyes cracked open and looked at it.

“it’s a perfect job Felix, thank you”

“you’re welcome cap”

“Lix.”

“yeah?”

“go to sleep, I don’t want you to tire yourself”

“I can’t sleep, the hammock is bad for my leg”

Without a word, Chris flipped the covers aside, strong body moving on the bed and facing away from Felix. The red didn’t leave his skin as he understood what was happening, and he removed his shirt and pants without looking at the strong back.

“night cap”

“night Lix”

And it’s in the comfort of a soft and warm bed, next to the man his heart felt soft for, that Felix fell asleep, a smile on his beautiful face.

 

 

The fight was raging. The pirates were outnumbered, and the crew was enraged at the idea of navy sailors getting the best of them. Blood was sipping through the cracks of the boat’s floor, the weight of the men crossing swords making the ship tremble from her very core.

Felix’s throat was burning from the smoke of the canons and the smell of the already rotting flesh of the fallen navy sailors. His eyes were stinging, tears running on his face from the sparks the guns emitted.

The boy was bad with a sword, he knew that, and obviously his adversary knew that too, as he smirked devilishly at the young pirate, swaying from side to side to make the boy limp even more. When the man lowered his heavy sword on his, Felix felt the pain spread in his arm, and suddenly let go of the weapon, bearing his body under his opponent’s blade.

“is that all you got little pirate?”

Rage burning in his veins, Felix groaned low in his chest, this ocean deep voice startling the navy man, so much the pirate had the time to get his gun out and point it at the man.

“get that out of your head old man”

And he fired, the ear-splitting sound echoed through the thick screams of the fights, making everyone turn their heads.

The man fell down on his back, a hole in his forehead right between his eyes, so precise it didn’t even burn his eyebrows. Felix’s hand was not shaking as he held his gun in front of his face, looking at the body through the smoke coming out of the tip of it. his ass still on the ground, he eyed the navy sailor with a wicked grin on his face.

“your captain is out, weapons down”

From the corner of his eyes, he saw the way Jisung smiled and high fived a laughing Jeongin, the crew cheering as the navy sailors reluctantly let go of their swords. Felix felt the pride in his chest burst out, like a tidal wave of warmth that calmed his body from the rage and the anger of the fight.

But suddenly, as Hyunjin came to him, his eyes fluttered close, and his body collapsed on the boat’s floor. The last thing he heard, was Jisung’s voice calling his name.

 

The darkness of his eyelids softly broke as his eyes opened slowly. He recognised the feeling of Seungmin’s bed underneath his back, meaning he was back in the infirmary. But what was making him frown was the lack of pain he should have felt, even in his leg. But nothing except for a slight numb feeling.

“hey lix”

“hey Seung”

Hearing the constricted sounding voice, Felix darted his eyes on his friend, seeing as Jisung was asleep next to the bed, his head resting on his crossed arms on the mattress. He smiled as he threaded his fingers into the thick ashy blond locks, squeezing his eyes shut at the light of the oil lamp.

“Why did I black out?”

“I have a better question for you, why didn’t you tell us about your leg?”

“what my leg?”

Seungmin frowned, his eyes sparkling with concern as he looked at his friend with what looked like disbelief in his eyes.

“Lix your leg was gangrenous”

“was?”

His voice sounded foreign to his ears as it thinned under the fear of what that “was” meant. As he looked down on his legs, his breath stuck in his throat when he saw the way his pants were cuffed up to his knee, where his leg was cut.

The wound was neat, and cauterized, slightly red but not horrible looking like Felix had already seen on beggars or old sailors. Seungmin did a good job, so good it lightened the blond pirate’s heart a little.

“I’m sorry Lix”

Looking at the brown-haired man softly, Felix smiled and leaned to him to ruffle his hair in a brotherly way.

“you did your best. And look, now I’m a real pirate”

Seungmin chuckled as he bumped his fist in Felix’s shoulder. His smile coming back a little weaker than usual, but still there. He nodded towards Jisung, standing up.

“I’ll take him to his hammock, I’ll sleep in yours, don’t worry.”

“how long have I been out?”

“two days”

“wow”

“yeah”

With a last ruffle to Felix’s hair, which tore a groan from the blonde, Seungmin was out, supporting Jisung’s weight on his shoulders, the boy surely worn out after staying up to check on his best friend. Felix’s smile fell off his face after the door was closed.

His eyes wandered to his leg, now half leg as the cut was situated just below his knee, the skin slightly inflamed and throbbing numbly. Felix frowned, not really in touch with his brain as he didn’t really know what he was feeling about this.

Fear? Anger? Resentment? Insecurity? Really he didn’t know.

He was there in his thoughts when the door opened once more, Felix not turning his head around to see who it was.

“I saw worst”

His captain’s voice echoed around him like a blanket of comfort that he didn’t know he needed until now.

“I saw better”

The man sat down on the chair Seungmin left an hour ago, sighing as he looked at Felix with that warm smile he had on when he comforted someone.  

“at least you’ll don’t hurt anymore”

“yeah, it took away my pain. And my sex appeal”

Chuckling, the captain took Felix’s hand in his, squeezing the flesh slightly in his bigger hands.

“I don’t think so, makes you manlier, more..”

“more pirate-like?”

“I guess”

They laughed softly together, Felix intertwining his fingers with his captain’s ones. Closing his eyes, Felix smiled, comfortable as he felt the warmth spread in his chest when he pressed their fingers together.

“Are blonde pirates your type?”

“maybe”

The mischievous tone and the playful smile where gone when Chris’ eyes fell in Felix’s dark brown ones, freckles painting the gorgeous face like the galaxy he looked at to know their way. Their gazes mixed, emotions flooding through his chest when Felix saw the desperate attempt to stop himself in those deep brown eyes. Before he knew it, the captain’s face leaned in Felix’s personal space, pressing the thick lips against the blonde’s ones.

The sweet sigh that escaped Felix’s lips was music to the captain’s ears, and the warmth of their lips moving against each other a blessing to the blonde pirate’s bruised heart. The skin was so soft underneath his plush lips, surrendering to the temptation, the gunner plunged his teeth in the plump flesh, earning himself a deep moan.

His tongue swiped across the captain’s one, tasting the colours it sent all over his body and his skin, as if lightnings were crossing his heart. Wet, sweet sounds echoed around them as their lips danced again each other’s, air mixing between them and drowning the sound of their heart beating wildly.

But suddenly, when warmth started crawling on his body comfortingly, Chris’ lips where gone, as the man himself stood up suddenly, as if burned by the other.

“I’m sorry Felix. I’m sorry- you’re not mine to have”

His eyes were deliberately avoiding the scorching dark ones, hands almost ripping the blonde hair off his skull as he carded them through the locks. Turning around, the captain hurriedly opened the door, and his broad silhouette disappear as he slammed it close.

When Felix registered what just happened, he was left alone in this room, a bruised body and an equally bruised soul.

 

“Chris?”

“it’s captain for you Felix”

“but Chris-”

“listen Felix, what I did what a mistake, and I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, and I ask you not to think or talk about this silly thing again.”

When Chris stepped pass him, his ash and vanilla smell trailing behind him like a cape, and enveloping Felix in regrets, the blonde pirate didn’t turn around, nor did he said anything. His eyes filled with tears, and his fists clenched on his crunches as he tried not to tear apart his lip with his teeth.

“Felix?”

“yes captain”

Through the sound his support made against the wood of the upper deck, and the crushing echo his tears made falling on the floor, Felix could have sworn he heard fate laugh at him.

 


	4. Inside this heart that beats for you

The sound was peculiar, one time it sounded like wood, and one time it sounded like a regular quiet shoe against the pavement. Felix roamed around town often when they landed in Tortuga, finding comfort in the dimly lit alleys and the dirt of the streets. The oil lamps above him suspended to the houses were poorly lighting up the space, casting huge shadows where the pirate could find death, or give it easily.

His lungs were filled with the smoke and the greasy smell of cheap meat roasting somewhere. It was always like this in Tortuga. From the day he first came here with the crew, two years ago, and now, it was always the same feeling, the same wave of disgust and sickness that hit him. Felix liked it.

He liked it better than what he knew he would find coming back to the ship. The Silver Stray was always docked in the same area, a place that he and the crew knew by heart. Before, Jisung and Jeongin would come with him, they would walk and walk, enjoying the land and the quietness, the unmoving ground beneath their feet.

But now Jeongin stuck to his side, amazed by the stories he told and the way he talked with his hands in an animated fashion. Jisung would have stay with Felix if only he was sure the youngest of the crew was safe with a bunch of drunk pirates, amongst the most searched for criminals of the inn. Jisung always cared about Felix, still cared.

Unlike the crew and their captain, who always preferred him.

Him, Kim Changbin. He arrived a year ago, freshly traumatised with a dark past and some cute puppy eyes that charmed their way on the boat. At first Felix thought it would pass, that the new boy would lose its shine in the crew’s eyes. But he didn’t.

And now Felix was there, alone in the streets of Tortuga, his crew nowhere to be seen, it’s not like they cared about what Felix was doing anyway. Felix had tried to like him, had tried to fit in the haze of hyping Changbin up. But he failed. And maybe he failed even more at hiding his anger and frustration when the guy was promoted gunner alongside him.

Yes Felix was still the best, heck, even the royal navy knew his name, he was known as the best gunman of all the Caribbean, and he was proud of that. Thing his captain seemed to forget when he congratulated the black-haired man at the littlest improvement.

Sitting down on the wooden dock, Felix looked at the sea. It was black, like ink, and unmoving without the slightest bit of wind in the air. He closed his eyes, hand falling on his knee, tip of his fingers grazing the wood. He scraped at it, not feeling anything from the wooden leg that replaced his calf. On the inside of it, small initials were engraved, Jisung and Jeongin’s ones.

He smiled, knowing from the bottom of his heart that he shouldn’t feel this way, but the voice inside his chest telling him he was more worthy than that. More worthy than being neglected and looked down on, that maybe he should be somewhere else. But deep down, he knew he couldn’t be far from him, even if he tried.

Sighing, Felix stood up and walked towards the sleepy ship, that was patiently waiting for her crew’s comeback. His artificial leg was quieted down by the cheers in the night, the more he stepped closer to the harbour, the more he disappeared into the noise.

Climbing his way up the dock that allowed people to hope onto the ship, Felix looked around for his crew, but no one was there. Maybe they were still listening to this idiot’s stories in one of the inns in town.

Entering the crew’s quarter, Felix quieted down his walking, fancying the silence and the calm of the Stray.

It didn’t last long.

Passing in front of the captain’s cabin, Felix stopped dead in his tracks, heart frozen in his chest as his eyes widened. Through the pants, and the moans, through the heat he could feel seeping from under the heavy door, he could hear a name.

“cap-captain-”

He could recognise this voice anywhere, and the smooth one accompanying it also. As his blood started to boil inside his veins, his eyes filled with tears. Cries of disgust, and shame, filled to the gut with resentment as he still heard the moans echoing on the other side of the door, Felix clenched his fists.

Not able to hear more, the young pirate tried to walk, but only managed to limp weakly through the corridor leading into the crew’s night quarters. Getting down the stairs, hoping in his hammock, closing his eyes where were still pilling tears, Felix did that on automatism.

He loved him, so much it hurt. And he hated him, so bad it killed him. And as Felix felt the desire to make him suffer grow as strong as his desire to make him happy, he could hear his heart tearing itself apart, beating two different beats and only his sanity linking both pieces.

And Felix cried, so much it could have sunk a ship. So much his eyes stung, and his throat became sore. He didn’t cry that much for his family, his friend, his leg. But torn apart by the agonizing feeling of love and hate, the pirate felt like it would be impossible to recover from his breaking heart.

 

It was a sunny morning, seagulls were flying in the sky, the crew was still happy from the alcohol and the smoke they inhaled in Tortuga, and the sun shone.

And Felix’s soul was as black as petrol as he looked at his captain manoeuvring the bar. From where he sat, he could see the sea, the masts and the way Jisung winked cheekily at Minho and how it made the other laugh. Usually he would have smiled, but usually he would not have been there, for he would be busy inspecting the canons. But today? No, guess that the captain felt like giving away all the tasks that were his to this fucking scum, and all he had to do now was wait for their departure from the harbour.

“Felix, don’t you have better to do than sit around?”

Turning his face towards the upper deck where his Captain was manoeuvring the helm, his dark furious eyes planted themselves in the deep brown of the other man. The crew, feeling the tension, peered on them not so discreetly.

“like what? Climb up in the riggings? Fancy, let’s try”

“Felix”

His captain’s tone was a warning, but Felix deliberately ignored it as he stood up, the wood of his legs snapping against the floor as he faced his captain from the lower deck.

“or maybe if could inspect the canons, you know do my job. If it was not for that fucker you replaced me with”

“watch your words Felix”

Chris’ brows were furrowed in an angry expression that Felix liked, because he was hurting the other one, at least a little. A least a little, he was making Chris feel as bad as he was feeling himself.

“I’m tired of watching my words. It’s my duty to be the gunner, my duty to do this job, it’s the only thing I can do. And you’re taking it away from me for you fucking lover you bang when we’re not around!”

He didn’t register the gasp that came from Hyunjin through the thickness of his rage, words spilling on the boat like venom from his lips. His heart constricted in his chest, making it almost impossible to breath.

“If you’re as useless as you say, you’d better get down from my boat”

The words had been thrown carelessly, but they broke through the flesh better than the navy’s bullets, better than a knife cutting air. And as his heart constricted painfully inside his chest, Felix’s eyes filled with sour tears.

Holding his head high, he looked at his captain with all the hatred he could gather, while his soul was bleeding through his pores, and spat with almost as much venom as the man threw his way.

“watch me do just that”

And as he turned around, he ignored the way Jisung called his name, then how Hyunjin pleaded their captain. But he cut through the crew, slapping away Jeongin’s hand from his arm, and with a last bitter look to the lost looking Changbin, he walked his way down the dock.

The sound of his wooden leg echoed in the calm morning, cutting through the air in a echo weaker than the beating of his poor heart. Tears running on his cheeks, his breath was short inside his chest and his head was throbbing with heat and pain.

He heard the smooth voice echoing behind him, calling his name, but he didn’t turn around. The sound of steps running down the dock should have warmed his heart but instead, rage took over as he heard the man he loved calling for him.

“FELIX! YOU COME BACK IMMEDIATELY!”

Maybe when the blonde pirate turned around, Chris expected a snarky remark, a dark stare, but not a gun pointed his way as he stopped his walk towards Felix. Panting, the young blonde was looking at him with so much pain that he could almost feel it sipping through his bones.

Felix didn’t even register the sound of the gun firing before it was too late. Chris fell on his knees, blood bursting through the wound on his thigh as hard as the scream escaping his throat. Hearing the distant call of Chris’ name and the shouts of horror, Felix lowered his trembling hand as his eyes widened.

But as Chris looked at him with shocked eyes and a hand holding his thigh and blocking the blood, Changbin came running down the stairs, throwing himself on their captain, his face contorted in a panicked grimace.

As Felix’s stare was broken from his captain’s one, the blonde pirate turned around, only the sound of the wood against the pavement echoing through the shouts for his name. none of them were Chris’ voice, and Felix knew at this instant Chris would never call his name again.

Quicker than the crew getting off the boat and running to him, Felix plunged in the streets of Tortuga, his body trembling and his eyes filled with terror and tears. Soon, his silhouette was nowhere to be seen.

 


	5. Beneath the skin, that knew your touch

His wrists were hurting, his leg was torturing him, the wood constricting around his knee from the humidity of the place. Chained to the person next to him, Felix felt the girl shaking from her very core, surely dying of cold or hunger.

The navy’s boats were not made to carry prisoners per see, but that didn’t stop them from storing away the thieves, pirates and other criminals in their ship’s belly and guiding them to the death they were sentenced to.  

It had been six months Felix was caught. He didn’t even last two days after deserting the Silver Stray before getting caught by the royal navy’s soldiers. And being the best gunner of the Caribbean didn’t help him against twenty of them.

After that, it had been six months of pure madness. Chained in the dark at the bottom of a war ship, he spent six months seeing people go down those stairs, getting chained, getting sick, dying, and rotting for a few days before being noticed by the sailors and thrown over-board.

The girl next to him had vomited the first three times, the smell of rotting body too much to handle in the close space of the ship. But now, she just lowered her stare, sometimes hiding her face in Felix’s dirty shirt that smelled even worst than the putrefying flesh.

Her name was Sana, she was a little older than him and had to be very sweet in other circumstances. She had been arrested for thieving, and now she was on her way to be hung, just like Felix. If the sailors were right, they would arrive in Port Smith the day after tomorrow.

The day after tomorrow, they died.

As Felix leaned his head on top of Sana’s one, he sighed, and closed his eyes trying to sleep. If he had known he would die this young, he would have asked Chris to kill him after shooting him in the thigh.

As the features he loved so much painted themselves on the back of his eyelids, he slipped into unconsciousness, the tiredness of the six months of torture taking a tall on him. And as a lonely tear slipped from his eyes, he smiled.

 

“see you tomorrow pirate”

As the Royal Navy soldier laughed at him, Felix spat on his shoes, earning himself a hard kick in the stomach. The steps climbed up the stairs of the fort’s jail, and Felix knew there was no way out of this.

“try to stay alive, at least up until tomorrow”

Felix smiled at the woman, her face peering at him from the other side of the cell. The moon light was reaching her from the small barred window on the back wall, and it made her eyes shine with a mix of fear and resignation.

“I’m getting hung before you, I’m happy about that”

“yeah, you’ll have three minutes to tell me how it is up there”

She chuckled, her puppy like face scrunching up as she laughed. Then, her smile faded into those sad ones, that you stored away for times like those, where you didn’t really know what to say apart from I’m sorry.

“I don’t want to see you die”

“I don’t want to see you die either, should have thought before stealing this ring”

“you’re one to talk dirty pirate”

They smiled at each other, eyes filled with tears as they fell on the ground of their cells. The granite floor was rough under his thin skin, which had gotten thinner with their little trip to the navy’s boat.

“I hope she won’t wait for me too long. But I hope I’ll wait for her a lifetime up there”

“I hope I have someone to wait for up there”

“and those guys you told me about? Your crew?”

“old crew. Now they’re just a memory”

“just like my beautiful hair. Look at that, a knitted mop”

Felix snorted at that, his hand flying to his mouth from how much he wanted to laugh, but better not bring the guards’ attention on them once more. He was fine with being beaten up, but Sana went through enough already and deserve to keep her honour safe.

Feeling cold, the pirate grabbed one corner of a dirty ass cover laying there, his eyes widening when the cloth unravelled something unexpected. He looked at the sleepy woman that had her eyes closed, breathing already deepening.

“hey San”

“yeah?”

“do you think you could fit in a hole the size of a small dog?”

“you tell me I look like a puppy enough for me to say yes, why?”

Felix smiled, his freckles moving on his face that contorted in a mischievous expression. He turned his face to her, waiting for her to open her eyes, and when she did, he nodded towards the small hole at the bottom corner of the cell, wide enough for the moon light to shine through.

Her face transformed from surprise to excitement really quick, her cute face shining with the brightest smile he ever saw from her.

“you won’t see me die cutie”

 

As Felix had his eyes fixed on the stairs leading to their cells, Sana was squirming her way down the hole, that according to her leaded outside the jail, on the fort’s rampart. The light of the moon was strong enough to cast intricate shadows on the walls, drawing distorted figures and colours up the ceiling.

“Felix! Come!”

Turning around after checking the stairs one last time, Felix engulfed his larger but still thin body in the hole, leg first as he abandoned the wooden one on the cell’s floor, the wood deformed by humidity, rendering the thing useless.

When he was about mid waist-in, he felt Sana’s small hands tug on his leg to help him, the rest of his body going in rather smoothly.

“I don’t know who dug that, but bless his soul”

“right”

Hearing that, Felix pay attention to grab the dirty blanket and roll it in a ball, dragging it behind him to hide the small passage. If after them someone found it and he could help another soul, so be it. He clogged the hole with the tissue as his head went out of the rock cavity, smiling at the idea of feeling free again.

“watch where you step Lix”

Felix had on doubt he should do that when he landed on a very thin, not made to walk on wall, which led directly on top of the ocean, waves raging under them and beating up the fort’s sides. The wind ruffled both their hair, their faces equally as happy as they smiled from the bottom of their hearts.

“and now we jump”

“excuse me?”

Felix looked at her with an incredulous face on, earning himself a roll of her eyes.

“the town is a militarized fortress, every ship is controlled, and our faces are displayed in the entire city for our execution tomorrow. You have a better idea?”

Looking at the sea and how it crashed against the granite of the fort, Felix closed his eyes tight and shook his head in disbelief.

“I hate it when you’re right”

“come on, aren’t you a fearless pirate?”

“I was, now leave me alone”

“pirate one day, pirate all days, it’s beneath your skin”

Closing her lithe fingers on his, she smiled at him, even though worry was obvious on her face as her bottom lip trembled a little.

“thanks for everything Felix”

The blonde man didn’t answer, but he squeezed his palm on hers, gently caressing her palm with his fingers. In front of him, the space opened around nothing, his heart trembling in his chest as he felt the urge to crawl back into the cell.

And they jumped.

When their bodies hit the waves, Felix felt a gigantic slap beating the side of his entire silhouette, his body almost numb from the impact. The cold started to gain his core as he had the good instinct of starting to swim immediately. Still holding his hand like a lifeline, Sana followed the move and he felt her body collide with his from time to time as they swam desperately against the waves.

They swam, and swam, until they couldn’t feel their bodies, and their legs felt ready to fall off their bodies, Felix’ handicap being a large obstacle to their effort. But soon enough, when their lungs were ready to burst from holding their breaths, they felt the waves getting weaker, and the sea calmer.

His head emerging from the water, Felix took the biggest intake of air he had ever took, his lungs giving up under the pression of the ocean pressing his body form every side. At his right, he heard Sana do the same, her blonde head coming out of the waves and coughing madly.

“are you okay?”

His voice sounded raw, almost gone as he tried to keep his face out of the water, looking for his friend with concerned eyes.

“never been better”

If he could have laughed, he would have, but instead he dragged her the best he could towards the harbour he saw from the corner of his eyes.

“come on San, we can do it”

She surely nodded, not that he could know, and soon enough, they were swimming once again, their heads almost in the water as they directed themselves towards the pile of boats they could distinguish in the distance.

 

Hoping into the first safety boat that they could find, without alerting the watch guard revealed itself to be easier that what they thought. Seemed like the navy was way too confident in its capacity to keep their prisoners inside their cages.

And now, rowing as their lives depended on it, they quickly saw the fortress island disappear amongst the darkness of the night, drowning in the shadows all the lights and forms of their captivity. Felix stopped rowing, panting and smiling at her through the drops of sweat that covered his forehead.

“and now where do we go?”

The pirate laughed lowly in his throat, shaking his head so that the drops of water still hanging from his hair flew back into the ocean.

“Tortuga San, Tortuga”

“isn’t that a dangerous place?”

“I’m a pirate, you’re a thief. What better place?”

“I’ve not been a thief for long you know?”

 “too late, it’s beneath your skin now”

Laughing at the way she slapped his arm, he took the reams once more, gesturing for her to sleep if she wanted to. She laid down her head on his thigh, grabbing the tissue of his pant as if to ground herself, to remind her heart that he would still be there when she would wake up.

That it was not a dream, that they were free now, and out of the Navy’s hold and mistreatments. To be fair, Felix had trouble to realise it too. Only the wind on his face and the smell of the ocean all around him could make him realise that he was indeed out, his wrists free and his life unthreatened.

 

It had taken three days of intense rowing, but finally they did it, and it was dawn when they reached Tortuga, under the eyes of some curious sailors fishing in the harbour and looking at them with a glint of amusement in their eyes. It smelled like fish, the usual smoke and sweat odours mixed with rum not already in the street for it was still early, even for the criminals of Tortuga.

“Sana wake up, we’re here”

Ah tired humpf came from the blonde woman as she moved around, the mop of hair falling on her face as she lifted it from his thigh.

“already?”

“I have one leg, but two arms you know?”

She slapped him on the arm, playfully like she was used to, her eyes widening when the boat hit the dock of the harbour. Tiredness made itself known in Felix’s shoulders and he was dying for a rest and a clean-up. He had been six months since he saw a washing cloth now.

“come on lady, I know a place to stay”

 

When Jaebum opened the door, his eyes widened comically before his face broke into a wide, happy grin on.

“oh my! Felix! What a surprise! Come on in boy, you look horrible”

“I know mate, let me tell you and you won’t believe it”

“when it’s you, I’m always- ooooooh and who is that?”

“Jaebum, Sana, Sana, Jaebum”

“enchanted”

“same here, young madam”

“just Sana is okay”

Jaebum nodded gently before closing the door behind them, his smile still on when his nose scrunched up in a disgusted grimace.

“you two need a bath”

“you have no idea what I would do for a bath”

As Felix followed a laughing Jaebum, he motioned to Sana to do the same, and trailed behind his host, climbing the stairs to the upper part of the small, intricate house. It was a typical Tortuga style house, high with three floors and thin, tight on the sides.

Jaebum was an old sailor who had been on the sea since for ever, before settling down and opening an inn in the centre of Tortuga, the biggest and better one. Felix and the Stray’s crew used to go there to spend quality time before everything went downhill and Felix chose to erase himself from the picture.

The furniture was slouching under the weight of dozen of navigation related stuffs, like compasses, maps, spy glasses, even an old rusty gun that Felix had often offered to clean. The man had said its rust was part of what made the gun so special, Felix just chuckled at that time.

“here, you can clean up and sleep a little bit, you’ll tell me tonight in front of a good meal”

At the mention of food, both men heard a funny little stomach sound, which made Sana red in the cheeks and slap Felix once more when he laughed.

“ladies first”

“oh thank god, gotta take care of this hair”

 

“oh wow”

“yeah, they were too tangled to do anything else”

Felix was clean, and already sitting at the table, observing Jaebum serve the plates when the blonde woman came down the stairs, shoulder-length bob hairstyle.

“you look good”

“thanks Lix, you don’t look too bad either”

Felix touched from the point of his fingers his slightly shorter hair that Jaebum had kindly arranged for him. Sana sat down next to him, smile on as she smelled the wonderful odour of grilled salmon in her nostrils.

“unbelievable what you’re telling me!”

“and it’s the absolute truth”

“wait till your crew hear about that! They’re gonna be overjoyed!”

“the crew?”

“yeah, who else?”

Even Sana, who Felix had told the entire story, including the sob part of him and his broken heart, looked at him curiously, mouth full of food and puppy eyes wide open.

“why would they want to hear from me?”

“why not? They’ve been looking for you all over the place those last six months.”

“I thought they would not”

“heard you had a beef with Chris? What does this hard-headed tuna did?”

Felix cleared his throat before engulfing another mouth full of food, mind trying to appreciate it through the information that came his way.

“something like that”

“aren’t you happy about it?”

“not really, I hope they hated me, would have made things easier”

“atta boy, what happened exactly?”

“I’m not really sure actually”

Jaebum nodded, understanding he was entering a dangerous territory and didn’t wanted to make the young pirate he liked so much uncomfortable.

“they replaced me anyway”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but if they did, they would not be looking for you.”

 

Jaebum had let them leave after a good night of sleep, two bags full of food, new clothes, and a hug so warm it could have burn their skins. Felix had thanked him for everything, the old sailor’s eyes shining with a friendly glint in them as he waved at them goodbye.

Soon, the two youngsters were out of his house, and lost in the morning fog of Tortuga, on their way for a new start.

 

Felix and Sana were walking in the streets of the crimes’ town, as she called it, their faces up to the rising sun, and feet giddy with the urge of running everywhere, now that they were free. Felix’s new wooden leg, gifted by Jaebum who had a good amount in his house, oddly so, was clicking on the pavement and waking up the town little by little.

“it’s pretty stunning actually, the light brown is better than the black. And that wood is looking much more new that the previous one, much more polished.”

Sana had said that, her eyes not even darting towards the said leg, her face scrunched up in that small scowl she had whenever she was concerned.

“afraid of what to do next?”

“not really, excited, and you?”

“I’m doing my best not to jump right now”

Her laugh was soft as she pushed his shoulder a little, ah, that he would miss. When they arrived in the harbour, where one merchant ship was already ready to take his leaves, they stopped, silence making itself king.

Jaebum had booked Sana a place on that boat earlier this morning, and as the captain was already calling for the last to board, the young woman turned around to her friend.

“I guess it’s my time to say I love you and I don’t want to leave but..”

“but you have somewhere else to be”

She nodded, her smile as sorry as happy on her face, as she smoothed some wrinkles from his shining new shirt.

“I have someone to go back to”

She gave him the sweetest smile, her eyes crinkling up in that adorable half moon he always had found endearing. She held his hand and squeezed his fingers, reached for his cheek and kissed the skin there, her lips tasting like goodbye.

“it’s not a farewell Felix, it just means I’ll miss you, till we meet again”

Felix smiled at her, his eyes warm as he nodded, heart filling with pain and happiness at the same time. The wind ruffled both their hair, capturing away the feelings of this moment, that Felix would remember for ever.

“tell her I say hello”

“oh I will, and much more. Thank you Felix, without you I would have died long ago”

“I can say the same thing San”

As she turned around, she nodded and smiled one last time, her silhouette disappearing in the fog of the early morning.

“I love you, pirate!”

The last thing he heard from her was a heartful laugh, before she disappeared completely in the unknown, leaving to continue her life, and letting Felix live his.

“Till we meet again, uh”

And with a smile that held as much bitterness as sweetness, Felix saw the dock of the boat being taken up after she boarded, her frail silhouette lost between the bodies working hard on the deck. When Felix saw the name of the boat, he chuckled at the idea of it, and looked at it taking his leave.

When the ship was almost out of the docks, he saw a small, blond hair lean above the railing, wide smile on as she waved at him.

“SEE YOU SOON LEE FELIX!”

Her voice was light, almost too far gone in the wind for him to hear, but he did anyway. And as he returned the wave enthusiastically, he screamed at the top of his lungs.

“SEE YOU MINATOZAKI SANA! REMEMBER NOT TO DIE WITHOUT ME!”

He did not have to hear her laugh, the way she threw her head backwards, smiling, was enough. With happy tears in his eyes, Felix looked at the boat gaining speed on the waves, his smile never fading from his face.

The sun was high in the sky now, as Felix shook his head with a smile on, his eyes still on the horizon as the Free Spirit was now just a dot in the distance. The pirate turned around, directing his steps towards the other side of the harbour, where a second boat was ready to leave, only waiting for him to go.

 


	6. Behind the past that chases me

When Jaebum heard his favourite crew was in town, and in his own inn for god’s sake, he flew from the kitchen towards the big room, spotting them immediately.

Between oils lamps and wooden floors and walls, the pirates’ faces were livid, white and sad as he was used to see them for the past six months, almost seven now. On the table were beers, surely offered by the kind waitress but none of them had touched it. And as the old sailor came closer to them, he could not stop himself from thinking they looked even worst than usual.

“so, what is it this time boy?”

The pirate’s captain looked the worst, and Jaebum refrained from engulfing him in a brotherly hug when he spotted the reddened, puffy eyes and the dark circles beneath them.

“Felix is dead”

“excuse me?”

Jaebum could have banged his head on the table from the surprise, but before he could say anything, Chris beat him to it, his face so pale it was concerning and tears already pilling up in his eyes.

“we have chased that prisoner boat for six months, and when finally caught up to him, when we arrived in Port Smith, it was only to see that our crew had been hang on public place.”

“hang?”

“his name was on the list of pirates sentenced this day”

Jaebum looked at Jisung who looked as bad as his captain, his eyes bloodshot, body not even strong enough to squeeze back on Minho’s hand, who was holding his affectionally.

“do you know that even if a pirate escapes, they count him as dead because they don’t want to admit their failure?”

The speed Chris’ neck turned at could have snap it for real, but the man didn’t seem to care as he jumped on his feet, just like some of his crew members, the rest just looking flabbergasted from their seat.

“guys, Felix escaped from the jail in Port Smith”

“how do you know that?!”

When Chris took hold of his shirt and started shaking his body forwards and backwards, Jaebum hesitated between smiling and slapping the hands away, but seeing the hope in those deep brown eyes made him soft.

“Felix escaped, with someone else, a friend he made on the Navy’s boat. They stole a bark and rowed all the way from Port Smith to Tortuga”

“how do you know that?”

“because the first thing they did when they landed, was come to me”

Jisung almost ran around the table to reach the sailor, his eyes wide open and his heart beating so fast Jaebum could swear he heard it through the noise of the inn.

“where are they now?!”

“they left first thing this morning, you missed them”

“do you know where they’re heading to?”

At that, Jaebum just shook his head, shrugging.

 

Felix heard the boat take departure without looking at it. He had paid the captain good money for him to make a halt on this island, where no life could be found. The crew was kind enough to leave him with food and a safety boat to hope onto and leave when he would have finished his business here.

Beside him, no one dared to lay a foot in this place, in this harbour, as its history was as bad as the traces it hold from it. Under his feet, the wood of the dock was burned, and black, just like the remaining of the houses that were previously standing there.

House carcasses were almost blown down by the wind, skeleton bare and black, windows broken and no noise to ease the heavy silence in the air. Felix could smell the smoke, memory fresh in his head as he took a first step on the docks.

He had spent the day and night it took them to reach this place thinking about how he would react, seeing it once again. But he didn’t expect his heart to be this heavy in his chest, his eyes to sting from the tears that they spilled.

His hometown had been taken down by the navy when he was nineteen, almost three years ago. But it had this same ambiance to it, the same horror Felix saw in his dreams when he closed his eyes at night.

Stepping inside what should have been the town, he walked through the remains of his childhood and teenage years, sometimes asking himself if other people had succeeded in their flee, like he did. Maybe not, after all, he always had been the quickest, most resourceful kid in this damn town, and it still cost him a leg.

His steps were quick, guided by the urge to leave this place. There was nothing for him here, not even good memories to ease his pain, so he slalomed between burned ruins and ashes that still covered the ground, eager to reach his goal.

When he arrived in front of the old church, the last building still intact, he pushed opened the broken door and stepped inside the small edifice. Here, the air was cold, and dry. The broken tinted glass had fallen from the windows, casting colours on the ground as the morning sun reached it from the openings in the walls.

He made his way quickly amongst the wooden benches, stepping up the stairs of the altar, Jesus’ statue looking through him with empty eyes as he stood before it. Putting his bag on the ground, he took out an empty and small velvet pouch, before reaching for the top of the statue’s head.

Pushing aside the rock, the top of the stone moved aside, falling on the ground with a loud sound in the deafening silence of the small cemetery-like town. Reaching inside the statue’s head, Felix fished out a fist full of golden jewellery, gold and silver necklaces intertwined together.

Filling the pouch with everything that was inside the statue, and would allow him to live comfortably at least for the next ten years, Felix silently thanked the old priest of this place for having been the most dishonest and greedy man of church. He also thanked his old self for being the sneaky little shit he was before, and knowing about this treasure.

Securing the pouch inside his long dark brown coat, the pirate grabbed the bag from the ground and turned around quickly, his mind already heavy enough from even just stepping in this town. Almost running to his little safety boat, he hoped in, grabbing the reams and guiding the bark back to Tortuga.

 

 

Felix’ slammed Jaebum’s door open with the least delicacy he could manage, his face smiling wide and his deep voice cutting in through the air as he entered the kitchen.

“Jaebum, guess what!”

“no you, guess what”

Before Felix had the time to raise a brow at his old friend’s tone, his eyes widen, figure stopping right away at the kitchen’s entrance. His blood ran cold, then boiling in his veins as he took in the broad figure that was slowly raising from the chair at the kitchen table.

“I told them you would come back, they almost started to doubt me”

His bag landed on the ground as he looked at the man, almost forgetting all about the entire crew, frozen behind their leader, all eyes on the blonde pirate they had chased for so long. Chris looked even more intimidating now that his eyes were rimmed with the redness of sleep deprivation, and his shirt looked obviously too tight around his biceps and pectorals.

“Hi Felix”

The blonde’s pirate blood was feeling icy as the past slammed its hand right in his face for the second time in too little time. If he noticed the tensed shoulders of the man before him, and the sweat dripping alongside his own neck, he didn’t take note of it.

“we fight, I leave your boat, I shoot you in the leg, then get lost for seven months, and it’s the only thing you have to say Christopher?”

“maybe a “we missed you” would have been better, but you know how good he is with words”

Heart ringing with memories and love at the sound of the familiar voice, his eyes landed on the ashy blond pirate, his squirrel like face contorted in the happiest smile he had ever seen there. Felix’s smile grew and his eyes watered as the slightly shorter pirate fell in his arms, a sob escaping him as he plunged his face in the other’s neck.

Maybe he could have not been happier when Jeongin joined the hug by grabbing him by the waist and securing him in his arms, his head buried in his shoulder blades so snuggly Felix could feel the smile on his back.

On by one, the crew came to him, Hyunjin and Seungmin falling in his arms the same way Jisung did, Minho and Woojin patting him on the back and ruffling his hair, even Changbin quickly hugged him, all hatred gone from Felix’s face as he smiled at him. Funny how time could change some things, and left others the same.

Chris looked at him from the side, arms still crossed over his chest as his gaze was as dark as before, eyes unmoving from Felix, who purposefully avoided his stare.

“So, couldn’t replace the best gunner of all the Caribbean?”

Minho chuckled as he ruffled his hair once more, his cat like face scrunching up in a cute expression that Felix’s remembered so well.

“if you want, you can come back on my ship, it’s still your place”

“thought you replaced me long ago”

“about that, sorry to barge in, but I think you should reconsider that. I maybe be good at telling stories, but concerning the gun and canons and everything, let’s be honest and say I’m useless as a new-born rat”

Felix raised his brow at Changbin’s rant, the guy ruffling the hair on his neck as he smiled sheepishly at the blonde man.

“We’re family Lix, without you, we’re not whole”

“yeah we need the annoying bratty brother back, Jisung’s been insufferable without you”

Felix laughed at the way Jisung elbowed Hyunjin in the ribs, the black-haired pirate folding in half and moaning out his pain as he glared at the other man.

“we’ll talk about our beef later Felix, now I only need to know if my gunner’s back in my crew”

Felix had that smile on, the one he carried around each time he was embarrassed but still so happy, he had trouble to show it without feeling like an awkward and stupid idiot. But he looked into those deep brown eyes anyway, his face lighting up when the slightest trace of a smile was found on his leader’s lips.

“I’ll always be your gunner, cap”

And as he plunged his deep dark eyes in the man’s one, both of them knew what was hidden behind those words which sounded so oddly like the declaration Felix almost whispered to his captain that night.

 

_I’ll always be yours._

 


	7. Homewards until I find your arms

Felix looked like one of those creatures you only found in books, tales sailors have in their guts and told the youngest to scare them. One of those demons straight out of hell, that you could not kill even if you tried your best.

Manhandling his short gun in one hand, and his double ended one in the other, the blonde pirate was firing left to right, never missing his target, no bullet flying without one. It was terrifying, the smile on his face as he killed one by one the Navy’s sailors, the blue of their uniform tinted red as Felix limped amongst the cadavers.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw his captain being caught in an ambush, one adversary in front of him, and one behind as they hoped they could kill him treacherously for he was too strong to be ended in a regular fight.

As the man behind Chris rose his sabre on top of his head, Felix’s both hands did the same, each one firing in a different direction. The bullets caught both his targets’ heads, laying the two sailors down, dead.

But Felix didn’t see his captain’s reaction as a heavily armed Navy soldier came to him, sword raised towards Felix. Surely aiming to make him fall on his knee, the man’s sword fled right into Felix’s leg. Unfortunately for him, the sword stayed put in the pirate’s member, unmoving as the other tried to pull on it.

“Can’t recognise a leg from wood you idiot?”

A gun shot exploded right in the man’s face as Felix’s gun fired right between his brows, burning them and rendering the man at the state of cadaver.

“what do they teach you at the Navy, really?”

Whipping the blood that splashed on his gun and mixed with his freckles, the blonde pirate looked around to see they had killed each one of those sailors. Around him, his crew was cheering as his captain ordained the ship to be looted and sunk down.

“I saw you were happy about sending some Navy’s men in the grave”

“you had no idea Jeonginie”

His youngest crew member patted him on the shoulder before grabbing his wrist and dragging him in the boat’s hold, where they would find anything they could board on their own ship. From the corner of his vision Felix saw his captain look at him, but didn’t return the stare.

 

Leaning forwards, his arms crossed on the railing as he looked at the moon, Felix could feel the wind tracing patterns in his hair, and the light of the moon reflecting on the sea, dancing and painting his face with hues of blues and silver.

The night was chilly, but not cold as the weather was starting to get cooler by this season, they were reaching November, and soon they would need bigger coats than the thin ones the crew was wearing nowadays. But Felix didn’t shiver until he heard steps coming his way, recognising the sound of the heavy leather boots his captain wore.

The man leaned in the same position, right next to him, their shoulders touching as Felix could smell the odour of vanilla and ash surround him. It was oddly comforting, but also terrifying when he thought about how he could never erase the other man from his heart.

“thank you for today”

“It could have not been me”

“I know no man able to fire like this and succeed”

“Changbin maybe”

“not in his wildest dream”

Felix sighed, his hand reaching to his face as if to wipe off the invisible sweat this conversation indulged. His skin was tingly, his eyes tingling and his breath quickening in his throat. If Chris noticed, he didn’t say anything.

“why did you replace me then?”

“it was never my intention, I thought you could use help. It was also a way of taking your mind off of what seemed to bother you at the time.”

“do you even know what I felt? Can you imagine what I thought? You indirectly told me I was useless”

“you know I think nothing of that”

“that’s the thing Chris, I don’t know anything of what’s happening in your head!”

The man turned around, facing his captain as the other man did the same, their bodies so close their could feel each other’s breaths on their faces’ skin.

“You engage someone, make him do everything that falls under my duty, and then you fuck him when you think no one’s watching.”

“it was a one-time thing, to take my mind of off something else, there was no feelings involved”

“what could have pushed you to do that kind of-”

“you”

Felix’s breath suddenly stuck in his throat as his eyes widened, trachea tightening so much he could have choked on air. As he was looking into those perfect eyes, he saw only honesty and regret, which made things even harder for him, even harder to hate him.

“You were haunting me.”

“why?”

“because I love you”

Their voices were mere whispers, but so loud as they echoed around them, screaming truths they thought they could never tell aloud. Both hearts beating widely in their chests, Felix’s tears ran freely on his cheeks as he grabbed a fist full of his captain’s shirt, as much to pull him towards him than to push him away.

“then why did you leave? You left me Chris..”

“I thought it was my duty, as a captain to never make a difference between my members. I panicked, I thought the crew would think of me as bad captain for loving you, so soon, so easily. I thought I would be unable to bear with the idea of putting you in danger each time we would fight, each time we would land. I didn’t know how to love you without failing at my duty, my captain’s one, and my lover’s one. How could I be a good captain, and a good lover at the same time?”

Felix choked on a sob, his fist pulling on the white fabric so much the seams were breaking soundlessly, but none of them seemed to care. A big, strong hand came to his face, whipping away the tears that fell and mixed with those freckles that made him look so beautiful.

Chris’s fingers reached for his chin as his face was tilted upward, looking straight into those hooded warm eyes, that still held as much power as he first saw them. The captain smiled at him, his face looking so sad at the scene before him.

“turned out I underestimated my abilities to love you, and be the same man as I was. And for that, for making you believe I didn’t love you, for making you go and almost killed, I’m sorry.”

Felix all but threw himself in those strong arms that engulfed him in the tightest hug he had ever experienced. His face falling in the crook of the captain’s neck, he breathed in the scent of the man he loved so much, tears spilling all over the other’s shirt.

His heart was bursting from happiness and relief in his chest, the accumulatio of years of longing finally coming out as he cried on his lover’s shoulder. The other’s hand were still on him, in his hair, threading through the blond mass fondly, and the other caressing his back.

“I’m sorry I shot you”

“I deserved it.”

Felix’s head poked out, eyebrow raised as he looked at his captain sceptically.

“okay maybe not. But It’s over now, you’ll have to bear with the scar though”

“I don’t mind that, cap”

 

Felix emerged from the hold, the heavy leather coat Jisung gave him snug against him as smoke came out of his mouth. He was the last one to wake up, seeing as everybody was already working on the deck, and the amused smile Minho threw his way.

“Felix, up there”

Looking on the upper deck, the blonde pirate saw his equally as blonde captain gesturing for him to join him at the commands. Anxiously, Felix climbed to small stairs that led to the upper deck where Chris was holding the helm, and Woojin was talking to him, a map opened on a small table next to him.

“g’day cap, Woojinie”

Woojin gave him a quick smile and a nod, before plunging his face back in the map, still talking to their captain about their next destination. But obviously, the blonde man was not listening as he grabbed their gunner by the waist and planted on his lips a quick, but hard peck that echoed on the deck.

Felix reddened noticeably, darting his eyes on Woojin, who raised his brow, but shrugged his shoulders before pointing to a direction. Chris nodded, Woojin smiling before folding the map and screaming orders. That went way smoother than Felix anticipated.

“I need you to clean the canons and check the powder stock Felix”

“okay cap”

“and Felix”

When he turned around, Felix saw the captain handing him his gun, which was in a terrible state if you asked him.

“for how long you didn’t clean that poor thing?”

“you should know, only you can handle its length”

When Chris winked cheekily at him, Felix grabbed the gun with a very red face, and almost ran all his way back into the hold, all this time under the laughs and cheers of the crew, which followed the scene with amused smiles.

 

The shiny gun in his hand, Felix knocked softly on the heavy door of the captain’s cabin. When no answer came, which was expected since it was Hyunjin’s guard time, and it was already the middle of the night.

Felix peeked his face inside the room, which was dimly lit by a candle still glowing on the bedside table, illuminating the silhouette sleeping soundlessly on the bed. The pirate entered, careful not to slam his wooden leg on the ground and make too much noise, closing the door behind him.

When he reached the desk, putting the gun on the middle of it, he noticed a strange map, that he had never seen before, just like the islands that were drawn on it. He leaned over the wooden desk to see clearer, before he heard a ruffle of the sheets that made him freeze.

“you’re doing it again”

“uh?”

“you’re entering without being invited”

Felix smiled at the familiar sentence, and his smile widened when the captain grabbed the sheets and pulled them on the side, pushing his body for Felix to slither in the bed next to him.

“Chris-”

“shut up and come here.”

“I don’t know if-”

“It’s an order Lee”

Chuckling, Felix let go of his pants and shirt, walking towards the bed only to sneak in and close his arms around the man’s middle. The captain’s back against his front, Felix felt the muscles rippling through the skin, and smiled at the idea that this powerful man, was his.

“night cap”

“night Lix”

 


	8. Towards your heart and the light it shines (Epilogue)

“Chris, please-“

Felix was panting harshly, his body scorching hot in his lover’s hold. He was spread out on the red sheets, the deep blood colour contrasting with his tanned honey skin. His thighs were opened wide around his lover’s head, his hands gripping the sheets tightly. His hand carded the blonde locks and griped them harshly, his flesh shaking from pleasure.

“CAP !”

His lover’s tongue was deep inside him, licking his way up his body along the two thick digits that were spreading him open. Sucking on the pink rim, Chris smiled when his lover whimpered, his thighs trembling around his face. The delicious scent coming from his lover drove him crazy, and the taste of his body was sweet in his mouth. Chris growled against his lover’s flesh, retreating from his hole to insert one more finger.

He heard Felix moan loudly when the three digits grazed his sweet spot, his inside squeezing around his knuckles. Chris bit down on the white thigh, before licking the reddened flesh that had a beautiful imprint of his teeth. Chris was turning mad, his body hurrying him to take and ravage. His eyes turned even darker if it was possible, glowing in the sifted light of his cabin.

Chris knew exactly how to handle Felix, how to make him lose his mind, where to touch, where to bite and where to lick to turn the Gunner into a crumbling mess. He gently took one of the caramel nubs in his mouth, sucking on it while listening to the other losing control. Biting the flesh slightly, he gained a harsh hiss and the hand in his hair tug on the blonde strands.

Felix also knew how to drive his man mad. They often played around before, spending hours in bed, experiencing and toying with each other’s body. He knew how to rile up his Captain for him to ravage him afterwards.

His hand clawed at Chris back, drawing four red streaks while going down the glorious back muscles. The pain made Chris close his eyes and groan deeply, lashing his mouth on Felix’s and kissing him roughly. The tanned boy smiled in the kiss, his hand lowering itself on Chris’s back, to change direction suddenly and grab the thick length hanging between his thighs.

“I’ve always loved how big you are... you can barely fit in me” at that Chris chuckled, his eyes still holding a vibrant feral glint in them, that made Felix week in the knees.

“I’ll use it to make you scream love”

And he proved himself right when he entered the Gunner, not stopping until all of the thick veiny shaft was in, his hips gently colliding with Felix’s inner thighs. The pirate hissed from pleasure, the oil they used gushing out of his hole alongside his lover’s cock, dirtying the sheets.

“Chris, cap’ please-“

Felix could not talk anymore, as the other rammed inside him, kneeling between his thighs and gripping them with a firm hand. Sounds of slick and skin slapping could be heard in the room, as Chris took him deeply, adjusting the pace to a medium speed and gentle thrust, starting slow, just like Felix liked.

The gunner’s body was burning from the inside, his flat stomach heaving up and down at each breath he took, his moans deep and melodious in the room. Chris’s hands grazed his sides delicately, caressing his ribs and his hips in the most tender way, squeezing lightly when Felix’s walls clamped on his shaft.

Plunging his sparkling brown eyes in the deep ink black, Felix gasped at a particularly hard thrust, his head falling back on the pillow. His lover’s voice was raw, still so warm and honey despite the pleasure clawing in his belly.

“more ?”

It was just a word, a word that had Felix weak and trembling on the sheets, his core flaming hot.

“more”

Suddenly, his lover pulled out, earning a pitiful moan from the pirate, before manhandling him on his stomach. His lover’s body covered his, his strong muscles rolling against his bare skin while his hips were gripped and lifted a little. He felt his man enter him once again, quicker, harder and stronger. The shaft was also bigger, a sign that Chris would not last long, just like Felix.

“love”

The whisper was sweet and quiet, contrasting with the raw force Chris was using to plough inside him, their hips colliding harshly. Felix was louder now, his voice high pitched and his screams passing through the wooden walls, maybe someone outside could hear them, but Chris loved the way he screamed his name too much to shush him.

“CHRIS AGAIN THERE !”

Aiming for his sweet spot, Chris hammered inside of his body with a deadly precision, making him see stars dancing before his eyes.

As the thick length started to pulse inside him, Felix came with the Captain’s name on his lips, dirtying the sheets with white ropes of cum.

Suddenly, his lover turned him on his back once more, and while Chris came inside of his lithe body, Felix screamed his name once again, his hands gripping the blond hair and his head falling on the pillow, his mind turning blank from pleasure. As his body started to turn into stone from exhaustion, a smile grazed his lips.

“I love you”

The captain smiled at him with that sweet expression only Felix ever saw, that soft look in this hooded eyes, taking away the fierce and intimidating captain away, leaving only Christopher, his Christopher. Gently kissing the side of neck, the pirate laid down next to the gunner, taking a hold of his waist and letting the other crawl all over him.

“wait, I have to put back my-”

“I don’t care”

Felix shot him the exact same look as he always did when Chris mentioned the fact that he was not disturbed the slightest by Felix’s lack of limb. His hand came to his thigh, gently caressing it without going near his amputee knee, for that he knew Felix’s was uncomfortable with him touching it.

“it’s a calf anyway, who cares about calves”

“it’s disgusting Chris and you know it”

“it’s not, it’s unimportant, and it makes you even stronger in my eyes. You’re strong, and you’re sexy, and you know it”

Felix humphed, annoyed, while he plunged his face in his lover’s neck, not wanting to face that mischievous and oh so attractive smirk he knew Chris had on right now. He knew he had to work on that insecurity and on the way he saw himself, but that would take time, and somehow he was happy Chris was there to help him.

Kissing the pristine white skin, that oddly staid immaculate even though the captain spent hours in the sun, the gunner smiled again the other’s neck, breath steadying and brain calming as his lover’s hands caressed his back.

“so, what is that map I saw on your desk?”

“how do you know about that?”

“just cut the bullshit and tell me cap”

Chris chuckled, his lips curling up as he pecked the plump one’s sweetly. Reaching for his lover’s head, he ruffled the hair there before threading his fingers in it, almost hearing Felix moan next to his neck.

 “it’s our destination”

“I never saw those islands”

“that’s the point of a treasure love, to be hidden”

At the way Felix’s eyes lightened up and sparkled, Chris laughed, pecking his small lover once more.

“we need a place to hide our loot before that, I thought about-”

“don’t think more, I know a perfect place”

“you do?”

At the way Felix’s eyes squinted and his smile grew, eyes lost somewhere in the air above them, he could feel his heart beating enthusiastically in his chest.

“the best place”

 

The island was small, the town equally so, with people that were thrustable and quiet. It smelled like fresh fish, flower water and rose. The houses were small, cute and colourful, and the harbour not very animated, as only three boats apart from them were floating there.

Felix gestured for his members to follow him, his wooden leg snapping against the dock that creaked under the pirate’s steps.

“why did you bring us here Lix?”

“you know someone?”

“you can say that”

Before he could say anything to appease the tension and the suspicious faces his crew was giving him, Felix heard from afar the exact same voice that lulled him to sleep back when he was the navy’s prisoner.

“TOLD YOU YOU WOULDN’T DIE WITHOUT ME!”

As the crew made various faces, going from surprise to scepticism, Felix turned around to see her.

Sana was waiting for him at the end of the dock, her longer hair floating in the wind, framing her smiling face as she waved at him. Beside her, a smiling brunette that Felix assumed was the one Sana whispered the name of when she slept, was standing and waving too.

“who are they?”

But Felix didn’t answer as he looked at the two women coming to them with large smiles on their faces.

The wind was warm on their skins, sun high and light illuminating them all as the blonde pirate smiled, swearing he could hear fate laugh with him.

“Home”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this, if you did maybe leave a comment and a kudo <3 
> 
> May your compass always be right y'all ! 
> 
> Bee

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, if you liked it, leave me a comment and / or a kudo, it's always good to know i'm doing a good job <3 have a nice day yall


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